The month of April is a month that I associate with stress, anxiety, worry, and oh my goodness is it already the 15th? Time to file! It sneaks up on us year after year, where we honestly are shocked that it is here again. How could it be tax time already, and how can the government rip me off like there is no tomorrow?! As much as it pains me to just hand over hard earned money to the government, it’s not even my money really. It is hard, but honestly, I should have had more discipline. That is what it all boils down to, I wasn’t disciplined enough to pay the government the entire amount that they charge me to be a citizen of this fine country, so I owed them. I had other priorities other than paying the government what they ask for, and I couldn’t even tell you why. Inside I knew I needed to pay them, but I really didn’t want to. As a small business owner it is much easier to go without paying the government, because the money is coming directly to you. If you are not sound in all your decisions that you make regarding your money in your business, you will pay later, and pay I do. I go through different bouts of frustration, worry and anger when I realize I’ve made poor decisions. I know we all must go through these questions that I ask myself: Why did I spend here? Why couldn’t I have just saved that? I should have paid that instead! I consistently look to my schedule to see where I may fill the open time slots with money walking in my door versus empty appointment times, and sometimes it is rough. I have to work a lot harder on my schedule when I see open appointments. Sometimes I can call 20 people, and this one appointment time on a Wednesday afternoon won’t work for anyone, how is that even possible? Then I just give up, and surrender to an afternoon of having an extra hour to clean and possibly getting a chance to do anything other than work. Read? Maybe. Talk on the phone? Sure thing, let me see how many people will answer their phone! Silly, but seriously, there has to be more to this.
That being said, in this time of famine in my financial department I have been leaning on the LORD more and more. He has been my God that will always provide. Jehovah-Jireh. The LORD will provide. Regardless of my needs He will provide. Hungry? He’s got me. Thirsty? It’s coming. Bills that need to be paid? He knows exactly how He is going to work in my life, every time, to get the job done.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sore or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ” Matthew 6:25-27
I had something beautiful happen to me when I was worrying about what I was going to do to pay bills. I looked at my schedule and added up exactly how much money I would be making in that month. By all accounts, I was coming up short, on all ends. I went over the numbers several times before I realized, ugh, this month is going to hit me hard! I worried for a couple of days. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about what I would do in certain situations. I would be out with my kids at the park and I would cut it short to hurry up, run home and STRESS OUT! Then finally, I prayed. Father, you hear my cries. You know what I need before I ask, and You promised you would supply everything I need. Phew, that was a weight off of me that I didn’t realize I was carrying around, it was like this heaviness on my chest and I couldn’t even think of how to go about fixing this. I prayed that He would just hold me for a moment so I could rest in His arms, and tell Him I love Him, and thank you for the blessings He already had planned for me. The next day, I got a few messages from clients…cancellations. Seriously? Can it get much worse? So as I looked at my schedule of spots that were opening up, I began to say to Him I trust You, no matter what, I believe in You. It wasn’t so important that I was having cancellations, but who was actually canceling their appointments. Strange that they were all clients that were not paying for that specific day, they were all prepaid clients. I didn’t think anything of it until I started receiving text messages, and emails, and voicemails all from clients I haven’t heard from in months! They all needed to get in for an appointment, and they all were paying clients. As more appointments began to disappear from clients that were not paying, more appointments began to appear where I would be making money. I stopped for a moment and smiled to myself. You always have a way to provide for me, and You always keep it interesting! You did it effortlessly, as You always do. Here I am stressing like crazy, and my God, my Jehovah-Jireh is telling me to hold on, because He will provide. What a sigh of relief that truly was, and I definitely needed to tell myself to trust in His promises.
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4:19 What a promise, that He will meet all my needs, and yet I still worry. Tonight I learned from a friend something that I honestly never even thought about, something about my faith in God and my faith that He will provide. Faith is not faith, until it is tested. So during these trials, I must continue to hold on to the one true promise my Lord gave me, He will always provide. Even in trials, even when I am hanging on by a thread, He will always be there, and I will always say to Him You always provide, and You always keep it interesting!